Even on Holidays

There are times that we wished we weren't doing what we're doing as we work, talk, walk or stare out the starbucks window. When that happens to me I go back to thinking positive = I was ment to be here right now because there's something in front of me that I may need in my life. Whether is just a stranger smile, a napkin fell and that Thanks! made me smile a little, or that talk with a friend...reminds me of something special in my life. I know it's hard, for some, really hard to concentrate in life. Especially when your older and think its too late. I realized its never too late. I mean, there are things in life that has time limits but c'mon we can shine somehow, somewhere.  

I know many of us has gone through alot and I know from chats that some decide to leave without being their time to leave. What surprises me is their confusing in whether to go or not. But I take that as a no, they don't want to go. But those who did leave, choosed to leave brings tears in my eyes. For some more because I know them and I wished I could have done more. But I know I can't help everyone (I can try).

One thing I have a hard time figuring out is how some people can "help, stop" a person from leaving this earth just because they are there. Hey, it might help...for a while. But having a baby or going a furture step in life won't make your partner stay and love you like you want it. We have no control, because a certain point in life we will see and realize that it wasn't meant to be, like we wanted. You may have "plans" for your life with a "love" one BUT you don't decide if that goes forward. We have to be thankful for what we have at the moment because tomorrow we are not sure of it.

I have a few friends whom took their lives. It's a sad story becuase I know for one of them I could have helped but I guess it wasn't for me to there for him. Another one, I didn't really communicate with him but its sad how after he got married he went and took his life. As I type this makes me feel this sad emotional part of me feel sooooo sorry for him. For him because I think he did made it know that he wasn't feeling good about his life. And as tears fill my eyes, I feel that he made it known more now that marriage is not the answer to make the person love you or having a baby won't make that person stay, just because you can't seem to realize they don't love you at your way. I don't blame no one for his death and I know alot of people do blame the now widow, but let's think...If my love, my partner whom I LOVE and CARE for to marry him, a man that I choosed to be there for...didn't realize he was depressed/suicidal or any sort of emotional trauma and just go with what I think would be "better for us", how can I not think its my fault after the ordeal? I mean, how can we just think depression will get better because of a marriage or because 'we're having a baby' or because you tattoed his face on your shoulder? We humans need to realize that LOVE does not come just with the hugs and kisses, sex, movies, laughter, and butterflies...it also comes with arguments, with things shared that no one ever would have known until that special someone comes along and trust is built. That sweet true trust, that relationship that no gossip, or look or so called friends can destroy.

After a wonderful time in the cermony or walking down the isle, I don't know how his wife, is feeling. I can't imagine those thoughts she's having but I do wish her the best. I wish and pray that this can be served as an example that making that step in life (not only in marriage but other parts of life) does not make it 'all better'. Young girls (or those older with young minds) it doesn't work for a man to stay if you have his child. It won't work if you do tattoos to dedicate to him, or betray your family for him, or make others think you "living life" because he has money...All that you have can come tumbling down if you think that he or she will stay because of something you will do. Love, stays for great reasons but leaves for better reasons. We have to accept it, whether you got it the wrong or right way. And if someone decides to kill themselves, know that is not your fault. We each own up and make our own decisions, and that's why you have no authority of another body.

Same way they fell in 'love' with you today, tomorrow is a brand new day and brings new steps, new emotions.

My prayers go out those families who lost someone because of suicide. I know it's the day after Thanksgiving but everyday something happens, even on holidays. These are the days we all need to have each others back. May they all R.I.P.
(the picture in this post was googled, not originally mines)

-sweetmanhattangirl-