Its a beautiful Tuesday morning as I type this. Listening to 96.7FM K-Love radio. A station I find peace and be calm when I start listening to their wonder christian music.
I hope everyone is enjoying their Tuesday and sharing their thoughts to someone they trust. I have someone I can communicate with and I want to remind you that if you don't have someone you can talk to, I am here. I'm not a professional councelor. One thing I learned and alot of people have a hard time knowing this is that, we usually give 'advice' when we should be guiding others to decide on their own. Of course, you bring out ideas but I tend to always mention that it all depends on them and their situation. We have so many resources around us that we can use. (Excuse the people who are limited to them, sorry) What I was thinking about my life when I was younger...as in a teen having a baby. I remember thinking what in the wrong is this. I do thank some ladies in my highschool that offered me help and talked to me about different options in life. Talking to me about that it doesn't disable me to many wonderful things in life just because I will have a baby at a young age. Matter of fact, thinking right now, they were right. I had fun growing up with my kid. Playing with her like she was my younger sister. BUT please, if your a teen reading this, don't think that all was peachy and you can have a better life for yourself. It all works out to different people in different situations. Please don't mistake this that I am saying having a baby at a young age is better!
OK, so where was I...so yea, I had a few resources next to me and learn a limited information about certain things in life. Being still in highschool how was I suppose to pay for babysitter, extra food, milk, diapers, baby clothes...and more....and more. Phew!!! that was alot of things and being jobless but in school. One thing my mom told me was she wasn't going to let me drop out that I had to finish school...or she won't help. Of course, I needed the help and finshed highschool. Did exactly 4 years and got my diploma. (not those GED or special programs but the actual diploma). Was very happy to finish and having a mom and kid right next to me, supporting me. I was reaching higher.
But not all was peachy, teens keep reading..Within all that, I had to move. Move in a way that I was a teen but adult. I was always the quiet one but I had to make my voice known, somehow. I struggled with being in a relationship at first then single. Which worked out better for me and my child. I had to move in a way that I, myself had to get the resources I need to keep moving up in life. I was always scared of talking to people, thinking I was asking stupid questions or afraid I'll get lost in certain places. But I would always think abuot my child, how I need to do things for her. Kept my chin up and walked to job interviews, asked questions in the community for kindergarten (schooling), learn my way around little by little...along with my mom who was an expert already. So, I was doing things that a 15 year old shouldn't be doing at that age but at an age that was appropiate. Meaning, ready and secure to have a baby.
What I mean is that, I wasn't ready for child. I wasn't going to have an abortion nor send for adoption. I made my mind that i was going to be a mom. I wasn't ready, in every aspect of life, I wasn't. Many teens consciously, make that mistake that they are ready to have a baby. But if you knew the work you put into it, you'll agree.
Ask yourself this, do you have money right now? Not $10 dollars. I mean money that if you need to move out you have enough for a year at least? Do you have a job that pays well that you can save money, not living pay check by pay check? Do you think you'll have the support if you end up single? If so, what's the support...your parents, a descent job? There's alot of this we need to consider before having a baby. It takes alot of patients, alot of courage, alot of financial support. Now please don't think that because you are in a relationship (to teens) that will last forever (that's a different story)...and you'll have his money to depend on. I am asking YOU, YOURSELF, YOUR OWN BODY, do you have the extra money to fall back on? Are you prepared that if one day, your partner doesn't come back, you can manage on your own? Never thought of that right? Well it happens. He can promise he'll be there but it can be so over whelming that some men just leave because its too much for them. Others end the relationship and make their own life. Some may help every now and then with financial support but again, if your both teens. He's probably in the same boat, financially.
I know I may sometimes, come out to blunt about certain things in life but if no one is willing to speak to you about somesthings in life then you won't think before you act. I mean no disrespect to teens moms, I was one myself, but this part of my blog is about giving you the chance to THINK about what you want in life. Did you know that as a teen with a baby, your considered as an adult? Means that what ever you do with your child, you will be trial as an adult. So if your 16, sweetie for them your over 21.
So, if you think that by having his baby he'll stay. WRONG!!! You can't make someone stay, you can't make someone do anything. That's the biggest lie you can tell yourself. Sooner or later something happens if you keep going at it the wrong way. If you have time now to go to finish school and go to colleg...GO!!! Don't have a baby just because you need to make sure he stays or don't want to be too old. C'mon, are we really that dumb to depend on someone else to support us? Some are willing to stop their success because of someone else but thats not a healthy thing to do for yourself, not shows your future daughter how to be independent. Now if it does work out, congratulations you beat the odds, but please don't make others think it can work overall. Because it doesn't. Alot of children are being raised by a single parent and its much harder. Not just financially but emotionally and all. Why not prepare yourself to have a baby. and not wait after the fact to make something out of your life. If you wait, now you have to spend MORE money, money that YOU don't own or have for babysitter because you decided now to go back to school or get a job. IN other words, you have no money because you don't work so guess who's paying for it, your partner. (those that stay).
That's another thing, if your partner is making it in life, meaning working to get up there and your not but you need to have his baby...can you please make sure you also work to get up there in life. Make him proud of you when he introduces you. If you don't have a goal and he is wokring on his, you'll be left behind and some men would like a partner who also has a mind of her own. Intellectually. How would you feel if your friends have college dregee and talk about their expriences and when its your turn...*they hear crickets*... not a good thingt right? Then work for a better tomorrow NOW so when your ready you can have a healthy mind in picking a good dad and be an even greater mom. (we all are great oms, even when not ready).
Its a shame when you see older adults making choices that probably a 14 would (because she won't know yet). I mean, if you have friends that been there done that, why not do something a little different like...wait. How can one female who wants children show their daughters that they need to go to school first when they didn't themselves? Yea you can be an example but you shouldn't have been a static but a better example. So lets not depend on money that it aint yours and make some of your own. Save it so in case tomorrow something happen, you have something to fall back on. If you have friends, ask around how they had it, read books on teens pregnancy. (no need to be teen) Learn about past experiences and be the change.
I think Malcolm X said it better..."It is impossible to understand the present or prepare for the future unless we have some knowledge of the past."
So now, lets start working.
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